


goddamn it yuuri.

by niagrafallin



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, I don't know what to tag I'm sorry, M/M, Married Life, Sleepy Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov is Extra, and also lacks common sense, even though he's overdramatic, like VERy extra, not like you can blame him though, okay i'll stop tagging now sorry, poor victor omg, rip victor's sanity, yurio is so fed up with victor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:42:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29055336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niagrafallin/pseuds/niagrafallin
Summary: When Katsuki Yuuri, world famous figure skater with one world record, five gold Grand Prix wins, two gold Worlds wins, Olympic medalist, and Japan's top skater six years running, can fall asleep anywhere.Literally anywhere.And Victor is so smitten he can't even be annoyed.Yurio, on the other hand, can.Alternatively titled: Victor trying to save Yuuri from getting a serious health problem while Yurio screams and Phichit documents.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont & Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov & Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 4
Kudos: 104





	goddamn it yuuri.

**Author's Note:**

> JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW, PLEASE READ BEFORE COMMENTING OR REPORTING
> 
> I am in no way shape or form purposefully trying to mock anxiety or other mental illnesses. I am also not saying any character in this has either, but I realize while writing this that it could come off that way. It is not my intention as a writer and I don't want to be disrespectful.
> 
> Anxiety is real and something that many people suffer from, I don't want to degrade anyone's experiences with it by writing some similar stuff in a comedic and slightly mocking way. 
> 
> A lot of these character are greatly exaggerated, don't take this the wrong way and think I am trying to be rude. I apologize if I offend anyone reading this, please use this as a warning. 
> 
> Either way, please enjoy and leave your thoughts! I hope you like it and thank you for reading!

The first time it happened, Victor was panicking so much Yurio smacked him on the head and pulled his hair in an attempt to make him come to his senses.

It didn't help much.

Yuuri, god bless him, had fallen asleep on the ice rink in St. Petersburg, and they were currently in the locker room trying to cover him in blankets and heated towels to prevent him from getting hypothermia.

He was also trying to convince them he was perfectly fine, which satisfied Yakov, Mila, and Yurio, but alas, Victor was still screaming about his poor husband's impending death and how it was all his fault. No, he was not crying, Yurio, he was just so bonded with Yuuri that he inherited his lower than average vision.

Really, it wasn't much of a big deal to Yuuri. He had fallen asleep on the ice before, and always survived with nothing more than shivering fingers and a red nose. The Russians didn't know that, though.

It started when he couldn't sleep, and at five in the morning, a full two and a half hours before he usually woke with Victor, he climbed out of bed and wrote a note, saying how he would start practice earlier and he wanted to try and perfect his Quad Loop. Not a lie, really, but he didn't want to upset his husband by talking about how he wasn't able to sleep.

(Wow. The irony.)

As he slipped off his skate guards and began to glide, he tried his best to focus and utilize his monstrous stamina, which had gotten him his decorated title. His jumps gradually became more wobbly, though, evidently from his lack of sleep, and he sat down on the ice as he mimicked an ending pose by his husband, for really no reason.

The ceiling lights were very bright and pretty here.

Victor crying over him and being shaken violently was not very pretty.

He groaned groggily and sat up, much to the distress of Victor, who was on the verge of sobbing.

"Victor? What's wrong?" he croaked out, feeling like he was burning from the inside. Maybe he was in hell. But why was Victor in hell? Victor was crying, though, maybe he was reliving his death. He didn't want to see Victor sad, why was he crying?

"Yuuri! You're alive!" was all he screeched, relief washing over him. He was so happy, wrapping his arms so tightly around Yuuri it felt like he was actually going to die. No, literally, Victor himself was a walking heater and as endearing as the tight embrace may be, it made Yuuri's core feel like it was going into overdrive to keep him cool.

"Victor! I," *insert gasp here because Victor was also crushing his lungs* "I can't breathe,"

Victor jumped off of him like he was a hot potato, which was a fairly accurate description of how he was feeling, and Yuuri took the extra space to look down at his lap, which was, predictably, covered in heavy blankets.

He threw them off of himself as fast as he could, relieved when a rush of cool air hit his face. "Oh my god that feels good," he couldn't help but sigh when the effects of air conditioning hit him.

"Yuuri!" Victor screamed once again when Yuuri had rid himself of the excess heat, and went in to hug him again, whining a bit when Yuuri put a hand out to stop him.

"Where am I?" He asked instead, looking around, seeing a few familiar faces, in.. the locker room? What? Why? It wasn't hell?

He eventually landed on Yurio's scowl, filled with disgust. "The rink, dumbass, because someone passed out on the ice and Victor had an existential crisis in his worry."

Yuuri's eyes widened in realization, and he turned back to Victor, patting his head a bit in hopes of comforting him. It seemed to work, as Victor's lip stopped trembling and his eyes softened.

"Sorry about that, it happened a few times before. Thanks for taking me off," He said nonchalantly, running his fingers through Victor's hair- oh my god so soft- and standing up, stretching his arms and legs on the bench he was previously laying on.

At the silence that followed, he looked up, only to see Yurio, Mila, Yakov, and Victor gaping at him with matching dumbfounded expressions.

"You- falling asleep on the ice is just a regular occurrence for you?" Mila coughed out.

Yuuri blinked, a bit confused now, before nodding slowly. "Well, maybe not regular, per say, but it happens often enough I guess? Usually only when I'm running low on sleep and take a break on the ice. Why do you ask?"

"WHO THE HELL FALLS ASLEEP ON ICE? HOW IS THAT COMFORTABLE FOR YOU?" Yurio began screaming. "DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU DID? OH MY-"

While Yakov was trying to kill Yurio, Mila was encouraging it, and Victor was still gaping at Yuuri like he was an extraterrestrial being, Yuuri felt a little guilty, especially since he left without waking Victor up and probably worried him half to death.

As a compromise, he kissed Victor and smiled, hugging him as he whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry for making you worry, Victor, I won't fall asleep on the ice again."

Victor only nodded, before returning the embrace and hoping he wouldn't be that worried ever again.

Yuuri DID stay true to his word. He should at least get credit for that.

Except, when Victor walked into their apartment to find Yuuri slumped on the floor with his head in the dryer with red stains on his shirt, he nearly died himself.

Really. His reaction was completely justified.

Sobbing loudly next to your 'dead' husband without checking if he was okay and then proceeding to call Yurio that his other father was a ghost and someone murdered him was completely justified.

Panicking by running around the entire apartment with no actual goal in mind while pausing every few seconds to collapse on the floor and wail again was completely justified.

Yurio coming into their apartment and kicking Victor in the head to try and get him to calm down was completely justi- YURIO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT OH MY GOSH HOW COULD YOU I TRUSTED YOU WITH M-

After many failed (but painful) kicks and one successful attempt to drag Victor over to the washer, Yurio kicked Yuuri's ass (literally), who jolted awake and glanced around groggily, taking in the scene.

Yurio's glare, Victor in tow, said Victor sobbing while staring at Yuuri- oh god.

Yuuri immediately shuffled over to where Victor was on the floor and wrapped his arms around him, acting purely on instinct.

"What's wrong, Victor?" Victor tried to respond, but all that really came out were a series of whines and gasps, which Yuuri, bless him, could not even try to interpret. Luckily, Yurio, with all his rage, filled in for him.

"He saw you with your head in the dryer and those stains on your shirt and thought you were dead," He supplied, tone bordering on disbelief. Really, how stupid could they both be? What idiots. No wonder they're together.

Yuuri grimaced a bit before nodding, understanding the situation a bit more now. "Ah, I'm sorry. I was trying to cook with red wine and I spilled some on my shirt a while ago, but I was doing laundry and had no clothes left so I wore it, I must've fallen asleep in the meantime. I'm sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I wanted to use our day off. I didn't mean to worry you I-"

He was cut off by one particularly loud wail from Victor, who was gripping Yuuri so tightly it almost hurt. ALmost. Almost.

Yurio rolled his eyes again, thoroughly annoyed with the amount of fluff and angst he was witnessing. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. D I S G U S T I N G.

itwasdefinitelynotamomenthewaslookingattrueloveheliterallyjustsaiditwasdisgustingshutupvictorthisiswhynooneevenlikesyouohmygodkatsudonmakehimshutupthisgoddamnoldman

Victor continued clinging to Yuuri, breathing out words of relief that his beloved wasn't dead by any kind of murder and the dryer had not grown teeth, become evil, and chomped down on Yuuri as he was being such a perfect husband and washing clothes.

Seriously, how could a something be so cruel? He shot the dryer a dirty look from behind Yuuri's back, mouthing, 'I know what you're up to'. Nothing would earn his forgiveness after potentially harming dear Yuuri. Absolutely nothing, you dirty dryer.

Victor hiccuped again, hugging onto Yuuri tighter.

"Don't let the dryer trick you. It knows what it's doing."

The third time Yuuri fell asleep and Victor freaked out, it was, surprise surprise! in Hatsetsu. In the hot springs. The outside hot springs. Butt ass naked. After hours. With no one awake but him. Which became everyone asleep and Yuuri threatening to drown.

They had only come because Victor missed the springs, and the hot tubs in the fancy hotels they traveled to 'were not even close to the superiority that is Yu-topia'. Yuuri couldn't help but agree, although maybe not for the same reasons. He really missed his mom and her cooking, Mari and her very intimidating shovel talks (to both of them, of course, because she loved them both equally and would kill the other as penance for their pain), his dad and his crazy drinking habits, well okay maybe the last two weren't so pleasurable, but he missed them all the same.

Even the triplets' antics, Yuuko's noneffective scolding, Minako's intense practices. It all felt like home.

He couldn't sleep after they arrived, no matter how comfy Victor's pecs were. (spoiler alert, really damn comfy.) Unfortunately for him, he had the worst jetlag ever the day before, slept for sixteen hours straight, and now he was overloaded with unspent energy. How Victor managed to keep even a slightly normal sleep schedule with all the travel they did, he would never know, but it let him sleep soundly on Yuuri's crappy childhood twin bed, so either way, he was jealous.

To the hot springs!

It was so comfortable and soothing he passed out.

Of course, Victor's Yuuri senses began tingling, and he woke up to no Yuuri by his side and a pitch black room, which he stumbled around for a while as he tried to find his clothes, or at least enough clothes so he wouldn't scare away all of Yu-topia's guests.

Creeping out of the room, he sneaked around the house, hoping to find Yuuri somewhere inside. It got cold at night, he would be freezing outside.. unless..

He came across the hot springs and, to his horror, found Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov sitting motionless in the pool, tongue lolling out and head slumped on his shoulders.

Immediately, he began his panic, running back into the house before he heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Yurio saying (screaming) that he needs to check the goddamn body before jumping to conclusions.

Alright. Check the body. He could do that. See if Yuuri is alive. He could-

He ran inside to Mari's room, making weird movements with his hands and moving his lips in a way he hoped would get his point across.

Mari, bless her soul, groggily rose and just followed Victor, not bothering to listen to him, groaning a bit when she had to enter the men's bath until she came across Yuuri, to which she tossed Victor the dirtiest look she could muster and went back to bed.

There went Victor's last hope.

He sucked in a breath, hoping there was some courage in the oxygen, and slid into the pool, wading over to where Yuuri ('s body) was, pulling out his wrist, sliding his fingers down his arm, right next to his veins..

He gave up and just hugged Yuuri tightly, sitting on his lap, almost crying already. How could he be gone so soon? He was so young, and they had their whole lives to live together! How could the world be so cruel?

He didn't even register the fact that Yuuri was completely naked until he was being pushed off and given a very harsh look, to which he looked down to try to avoid his gaze and- oh.

BUT YUURI WAS ALMOST DEAD!!!!

The fourth came with one very eager Phichit and one amused Chris. (Not a good combination, if you ask Victor.) They were not sympathetic in the least when they came across Yuuri's body in the bleachers of the World's rink. Nor when Victor screamed, tripped, and somersaulted down a solid five steps, which was totally on purpose and not at all overdramatic, what do you mean?

Meanwhile, as Victor was trying to recover from his fall by practicing breathing exercises Yuuri had taught him- NOOOO YUURI HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN YOU ARE SO YOUNGTHISLIFEISSOCRUELPOORYU- Phichit was taking pictures and Chris was posing in them, ranging from Frat Boy Chad to Basic White Girl to James Charles Nudes, certainly too many for the ten picture limit of Instagram.

Phichit combat that with multiple (15) different posts of Chris, one for each of his favorite poses and three more for selfies.

Chris himself posted a few, mostly provocative poses, but they both saved at least two hundred pictures worth of storage for their very favorites, picturing their very favorite ship.

Victor looked very attractive in his suit and coat, even if he WAS hyperventilating and every time he looked at Yuuri he wrapped his arms around his knees and hid his face in them until he missed Yuuri's face and peeked again.

Eventually, after much too long had passed, Pity was taken upon Victor and Phichit stuck a finger in Yuuri's ear, a surefire way to waking him up that he learned in Detroit.

Very effective, it was, because when Yuuri woke up, he tossed a deathly glare to both Phichit and Chris, the former of which at least had the decency to look ashamed, the latter of which just smirked and left Yuuri to deal with the aftermath of his husband's panic.

Needless to say, Victor spent the rest of the day clinging to Yuuri. Literally. Yuuri had to hold out his hands in a t-pose constantly to prevent himself from being suffocated.

What a perfect couple.

The fifth came with one very confused Yuuri and an ER visit.

Victor still hadn't gotten used to Yuuri's sleeping habits, despite being married for a year, to which Phichit responded with, "He sleeps everywhere. Usually he wakes up on his own, though, leave him be unless he's a danger to himself."

And of course, Victor ignored all guidelines set for him in favor of being a lovestruck dolt who Lives for Yuuri, Dies for Yuuri, and would Sacrifice His Whole Life for Yuuri.

Yuuri had stumbled out into the night after one too many drinks, a mostly sober Victor and one very drunk Phichit and Chris in tow. Really, how did he end up being the designated driver who wasn't even allowed to drive because, "You will get distracted by Yuuri and crash the car, we will all die because of Yuuri's drunken groping and your dumbass."

Chris was very mean when he was tipsy.

They walked out well past midnight, with no particular direction in mind, but that problem was soon taken care of with Phichit's desperate tugging towards a shop display, featuring.. women's lingerie?

Oh god.

Steer the herd away, Victor. Embody your inner shepherd. Become one with that guy from the Bible. Probably.

With much effort, he managed to prevent a natural disaster, what of which would have included flying bras and panties, no doubt, as well as a few very attractive male models, which would.. which.. Yuuri..

NO. GET AWAY FROM THE KINKINESS.

He pulled all of them along, hand in hand, in the direction he thought their hotel was in. What street was it..? Is this the right turn? Hold on.. it was.. it was this way.. WHERE IS CHRIS?

He whipped around frantically, searching, and almost shrieked aloud when he saw Chris in front of yet another closed shop window, this time an erotic bakery, and licking the glass sloppily. Very sloppily.

Nononononononononononononononononononononono.

As quickly as his two other companions allowed, he dashed over to the store and pulled Chris up from his knees before the CCTV cameras caught him and he was recognized. Even though it was (probably? definitely.) already too late.

Now with two overgrown chipmunks and one very adorable ball of perfect behind him, he rushed through the streets, not caring about where they were going anymore, but rather just wanting to get away before they got arrested or paparazzi got to them. 

Why weren't humans born with three hands? It was so difficult to pull them all along.. thank everything green and holy that Chris kept trying to grind on him. It was more like he was being chased at this point, though, and Yuuri's cute and certainly not deathly glares towards Chris were not off putting in the least.

Unfortunately, his lovesickness kept him from seeing the giant street sign that Yuuri's beautiful, amazing face smacked into.

It made quite a loud whacking noise.

Victor immediately halted, flipping around to coddle Yuuri. How could he be so blind? He was a terrible designated not driver. And his husband, of all people?

Needless to say, it was startling to see Yuuri laying flat on his back, dazedly staring up at the skylights, eyes wide and mouth lolled open.

"Yuuri! Are you alright? Can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up?" Victor wheezed, still holding onto Phichit and frantically waving a peace sign in front of Yuuri's face. Chris was already grinding on him, having caught up, but he couldn't care less. He was much more focused on making sure there was no permanent brain damage where Yuuri got amnesia or Alzheimer's and forgot about Victor and then forgot about Phichit and Yurio and then would be all alone and him and Victor would be separated forever and maybe it would be contagious and Victor would forget Yuuri and they would practically be divorced and how could he ever forget Yuuri he was so te-

"Let me sleep," was all he heard before Yuuri was closing his eyes, and before he knew it, snoring, a large bruise already blooming on his forehead.

This was not good.

Half an hour later, they were in the ER, the other two drunks subdued and waiting in one poor taxi driver's backseat. Hopefully sleeping. And not dumped on their asses. Or kidnapped.

During the very long and grueling examination, to which Victor was thrown many glares and warnings by the despicable doctor who didn't approve of his and Yuuri's unconditional love, to which there was no bounds, and prohibited him from giving moral support kisses, cuddles, and 'suggestive hand signals'.

Some people just didn't recognize true romance when they saw it.

Apparently, Yuuri was perfectly fine, but just had some weird sleeping habits that were intensified by the effects of alcohol. No reason to panic. No way. That was not going to happen. No need to scream, Victor, Yuuri was alright. No real health problems.

They got kicked out of the ER.


End file.
